Birthday

This week I turned 46. I actually feel like I’m 17, and there’s no particular desire to take stock of things, especially considering that I’m currently in a very transitional period into a new work and social role. A lot is being reflected on, but not in a taking-stock format.

On my birthday I was irritated because I wanted something special, a carefree day, but from the very morning everything went wrong and I had to be an adult. But on that day I learned to do an axle stall, which I consider an excellent achievement for 46 years old. Skateboarding in general is something that has been supporting me tremendously in recent years, but I’ll write about that separately.

I talked quite a bit with old friends who were congratulating me on my birthday, they’re all in other countries, we were separated by COVID, war, re-hardened borders, and I miss them very much, miss the times when we weren’t divided by losses, borders and beliefs. It’s hard to find new friends when you’re 46, give me back my old ones!

Cinema

We watched Ari Aster’s “Eddington” on my birthday, at first also irritating, gradually captivating, leaving room for reflection, but somehow belated, you know, you want to say: “But it’s already too late, we’re on the other side of all this and are already dealing with irreversible consequences.”

New Job

I continue to immerse myself in the new work, absorb information, talk to people, but it feels like it’s time to move to action before I absorb the established order too. After all, I was hired in part to change it.

Creativity

I’m trying to lower the barriers to creativity: turn off perfectionism, the fear of wasting time on something that won’t turn out to be anything worthwhile, and start creating. After all, when I look at other people’s work, I like precisely the raw works where you can see the nerve, the mess, the momentariness, I’m barely interested in polished lengthy grandiose works, it seems to me that they lose the initial impulse and sincerity.

So why do I deny myself the right to such works?

I was playing with Koala Sampler, and finally something interesting came out that I can possibly develop into a full track someday. Also once again admired (and listened to) the website of musician and programmer Alexander Zolotov warmplace.ru. This is what the internet is for, and I’m glad there are still such places in it.

Books

Started reading Pynchon’s “The Crying of Lot 49”, and immediately remembered that I’m extremely irritated by the type of humor that permeates Pynchon. I would call it “absurdism as the city-forming enterprise,” pull it out - and everything falls apart. I don’t know why this pisses me off so much, I actually love absurdist humor and consider it one of the funniest. However, gradually the book is drawing me in and the irritation recedes into the background.

Looks like it was quite an irritable week!